Daniel Goleman is a best-selling author that “first brought the concept of emotional intelligence (EI) to the forefront of business through his articles in the Harvard Business Review, establishing EI as an indispensable trait for leaders” (Goleman, 2019). His focus on EI and its role in our organizations has seen bookshelves, stages and magazines.
Goleman describes four dimensions of EI in his video published by Big Think (Goleman, 2012). The four dimensions are self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social skills.
Self-Awareness
Goleman describes this as “knowing what we are feeling and why we are feeling it” (Goleman, 2012). For me, self-awareness still is a learning process. While I would like to think that I have improved significantly in this area, I still have moments where the digging into my own emotions takes longer than maybe it should.
Self-management
Goleman says that managing our own emotions looks like “aligning our actions with our passions” and “marshalling positive emotions” (Goleman, 2012). However, it is also “handling your distressing emotions in an effective way so that they do not cripple you” (Goleman, 2012). The first portion, I think is easier for most people and it is definitely much easier for me to handle my positive emotions than negative ones. Sometimes I still feel ‘crippled’ by negative emotions at work and at home. While some days there is a glimmer of improvement, other days I know I still have much to learn. Now, I find that if I know what emotions could happen during a situation, I can self-regulate and plan my reactions a bit better than I have in the past.
Empathy or Social Awareness
Empathy or social awareness is the capacity of “knowing what someone else is feeling” (Goleman, 2012). Goleman says that this is a more natural skill for women and since 90% of my department is men, I feel like this is truly the case. Often times, I find that out of my peers, I am the one noticing and pointing out the social and personal cues for people’s emotions and feelings around particular subjects. Knowing this, I try to do my best to have conversations with agents or supervisors to ask those sorts of questions and deliberately learn how people are feeling. These conversations allow people to express their emotions and also allow them to feel heard by management.
Social Awareness
The four dimension is social awareness. Goleman states that this is the step of “putting [all three previously mention dimensions] together in skilled relationship” (Goleman, 2012). The ability for us to know ourselves, regulate our own emotions and understand other people allows us to be in better, more effective and healthy relationships with the people in our lives.
I am consistently working on this skill and ability. I started to really work and focus on this change in 2018 when I realized that my performance at work was suffering due to a lack of priority on the relationships with my co-workers. I was too task oriented and put performance before the people I was leading. When I started to shift the focus, I became more and more effective in my position and in the department. Now, my boss knows that my passion and purpose is leadership development and relationships with the supervisor team. When we need change communicated, he charges me with having those conversations and spending time with that group of employees.
While I have a long way to go, I am proud of the progress I have made and I believe I am a more well liked and a more effective leader because of my ability to form relationships with people that I lead.
Goleman, D. (Director). (2012, April 23). Daniel Goleman Introduces Emotional Intelligence | Big Think [Video file]. Retrieved January 30, 2021, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU
Goleman, D. (2007, March). Why aren't we more compassionate? Retrieved January 30, 2021, from https://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_goleman_why_aren_t_we_more_compassionate
Goleman, D. (2019). The emotionally intelligent leader . Harvard Business Review Press.
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